If you shatter mirrors, check out TeleFair 05, a freeheel clinic coming to a resort near you.

Ernest Hemingway had a propensity for many things: fly fishing, women, wine, and skiing—elements of the outdoor lifestyle that in his day, whether singularly or by combo, offered up the very definition of what was considered sexy. Of all the skiing styles, Hemingway, one of the all-time top experts on human urges, found the telemark turn to be among its most delicious. It was also the style du jour of the TeleFair at Kirkwood, California, last weekend. "Coming down the mountain," Hemingway once wrote in a passage that could easily be taken for a description on wild sex as it is about skiing, "in the telemark position, kneeling one leg forward and bent, the other trailing: his sticks hanging like some insect's thin legs, kicking puffs of snow as they touched the surface and finally the whole kneeling, trailing figure coming around in a beautiful right curve, crouching, the legs shot forward and back, the body leaning out against the swing, the sticks accenting the curve like points of light all in a wild cloud of snow."

Of course, the tele turn of Hemingway's day is quite dissimilar to what is found on slopes today. People ski fatties, not sticks, and some don't even "ski" anymore, preferring the word "ride" to describe their style. There are those who "freeheel" instead of "telemark." Which is actually just another attempt to add sexiness to their chosen discipline, a way to further separate themselves from people who, they believe through some illegitimate perception, lack a certain degree of coolness.

To Ken Lucas, TeleFair owner and finalist in the North American Extreme Championships (on teles vs. alpine skiers), whether you freeheel, telemark or ride, it's all quite attractive. "It's sexy," he says in all seriousness. "If you look at any other kind of skier—the alpiner, the guys in the park—no one is as sexy as the telemark skier coming down the mountain. Guys like girls who tele, and girls like guys who tele. Because they look so good doing it."

Exhibit A and B at the TeleFair 05 were Regina Ciarfella and Leighton White, two telemark instructors who danced down the mountain in a form of sensuous freeheel tango. With perfect white teeth, tan faces, and athleticism oozing from every pore, each could be the poster-child for mountain-high sexuality. To be fair, they'd emit desirable pheromones at a smoky billiard hall in downtown Cleveland, just as Sweden's Anja Pärson and Austria's Hermann Maier could single handedly turn bathroom mopping into a sport of unbridled eroticism were they to put down their race skis in exchange for buckets of Pine Sol. But then again, the bright blue skies gracing Kirkwood, warm temps that resulted in few layers of clothing, and steep, rocky chutes combined to create an environment where people, their bittersweet stench of sweat pollinating the air, simply wanted to be near each other, no matter what tool was on their feet.

Roughly 30 people turned out for the most recent TeleFair, which will tour the country this winter offering clinics and gear demos at seven resorts. Admittedly, some of those who attended would strike out trying to seduce a rutting bull, but White, Ciarfella and Lucas made sure they were on hand to offer tips.

For $60 a day (scheduled clinics occur both weekend days), skiers get all-day instruction and free-use of the latest tele gear. Some clinics include special snow kiting demos as well. What's not included? Any guarantee that you'll be more sexy than when you showed up, but at least you can try.

The next TeleFair is schedule for Jan. 8-9 at Whistler/Blackcomb. A special Snow Kiting Demo will take place at Skyline, Utah, on Dec. 18-19. For more info, go to www.telefair.com, and www.ozonesnowkites.com