AIR HEADS: Take this quiz to determine your higher state of skiing
A lot of people do stupid things on skis. Anyone from Texas, for example. But brain farts occur to even the best of skiers, people who really know what they’re doing but for some reason occasionally hit the pause button on their mental capacity. Just a few weeks ago, for instance, Leo Brayman of Alta, Utah, dropped off the Bookend Cliffs in Little Cottonwood Canyon attempting to break the world-record cliff huck mark of 245 feet, set just two months ago by Jamie Pierre. Though we at Powdermag.com prefer not to glorify such acts—because we like our skiing to include turns and our airs to have style, not to mention good landings—it certainly got us thinking. In particular, we wondered how these giant cliff hucks (for the record, Brayman landed about 15 feet short) stacked up against other not-so-bright moments in the life of a skier. In the end, we decided to let our readers figure it out. If you feel the need to cheat, you should give up now, move to Texas, and take up quail hunting.
1. You wake up one morning, and find yourself at Alta, Utah, after a huge dump. Knowing you only live once, you decide to spend your day:
a. skiing deep pow.
b. making sweet turns in deep pow.
c. getting face shots in deep pow.
d. hucking off a 230-foot cliff. What, seriously?
2. God speaks in mysterious ways. He likes to help pro football players catch touchdown passes, and, according to televangelist Pat Robertson, used Hurricane Katrina to punish New Orleans for its sins. Jamie Pierre said earlier this winter that he could prove his faith in God by dropping a 245-foot cliff onto his back. But if there is such a thing as an Intelligent Designer, how then do you explain:
a. snowlerbladers.
b. snowbikers.
c. tourists.
d. why my stupid pole basket keeps falling off.
3. Stupid is as stupid does, as Forrest Gump liked to say. Therefore, when you head into the backcountry, you first grab:
a. your dog.
b. your friend's dog.
c. a cute hanky around your dog's neck to prove his outdoor worthiness.
d. an avalanche beacon, shovel, and probe. (hint: it’s this one)
4. In the local police blotter, you are better known as:
a. the starring attraction.
b. a coming attraction.
c. that one guy who had a visit from the cops because he kept masturbating with his drapes open.
5. Getting laid in a ski town is a tricky game. To increase your chances, you:
a. buy her dinner.
b. take her to a movie.
c. smoke her out with your trippy five-foot bong.
d. impress her by dropping a 230-foot cliff but, damn, upon impact your penis gets compressed into the back of your own ass.
6. The best way to get your name out in a ski town is to:
a. compete in a freestyle comp.
b. make the police blotter each week (see question No. 4).
c. huck yourself off the world's second-biggest cliff.
d. die trying.
7. If you were going to attempt a world-record cliff huck, the first thing you would do is:
a. carefully scout your air, watch it for several seasons to make sure the snow fills in and that the jump will be safe.
b. probe your landing for rocks.
c. make sure it really is a world record before hurling yourself off it.