The Ballad Of The Unknown Skier.
Wilhelm Farnswather was probably the most special unknown skier to ever burn down a ski school and install a magic carpet on his countertop. The magic carpet made for difficult dining, but it was one of his claims to fame (along with his rear-entry long underwear). He was the first skier to attempt a switch lawndart and every time we visit his grave I remember the time we made him a fake grave and then I get pissed, because I realize he's not dead and he still owes me money. We used to ski all over "the place". "The place" as many know is Salt Lake City. A man with more chicks than any of us could ever score said so over 1000 years ago on his way to building the largest gravy boat to sail the seven oceans with two of every fish on board. The fish were there to have sex. (I need to find me one of those boat rides).
Wilhelm Farnswather later got his picture taken while skiing and he spent weeks looking for it. It was a drawing of a unicorn having a tea party with a leprechaun. On the back of the picture was a secondary drawing of the unicorn impaling the leprechaun on his horn and then the unicorn rolled around naked in the leprechaun's blood soaked gold. It was a really cool picture that taught us both a lot about the unicorn's evil nature; it was also the single event that inspired us to buy an abandoned missile silo in Montana and stockpile weapons. To train for the "final reckoning" we'd cut one horn off a goat and send it running through our minefield. While watching that goat's body bounce from mine to mine, I wrapped my skins around my head and almost died. Luckily Wilhelm was there to point and laugh.
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