Fear of Dying (on a couch)
When Satan called on Tom Thumb to pose in an unbecoming photo expose ...Satan's Attorney had already planned a weekend of antiquing for Tom, himself and the plastic racecar driver they referred to as Desmando. Desmando wore a blue flame retardant suit and came into Tom's life on top of a celebratory cake Tom received for enslaving the Littles. "Their tails are unclean." thought Tom as he snuck through the deli bin with a corndog stick placed in his posterior as a disguise. Satan's recent link to Jerry Springer had hurt his ratings with the brained population. The late night exploits of a young Norman Rockwell lent credibility to the onetime author of Gardening Essentials. "Yams and more Yams" would have been the sequel and swansong of a man riddled with riddles. His swan died at an early age and rumors placed him at the scene. The people of Better Homes and Gardens called him: "Disturbed" and surmised that his Yam fetish might lead to the fall of humanity. Sure it seems silly now, but on a hot summer day back '73 the world was gripped in fear. The markets closed, parents clung to their children, and a sock clung to the bathrobe of the woman who sat whispering to herself as she peered through the blinds of her innovative above ground glass bunker. Everyone knew the end was near, but only the people that randomly died that day were correct. The news broadcasted right through the Wonder Years and presented imagery of foreign devils pushing a large red button. We later learned that they were factory workers in Guam and that they were pushing the button for the release mechanism as a small child was trapped inside. We sent food and blankets. I'm sure sending a doctor or band-aid may have made more sense, but that whole "food and blankets" craze was still so fashionable.