Sell your scars to Asia for fun and profit.
Adorned in a series of Selena tribute T-shirts our hero opens his mail and arranges his nail clippings in a mosaic pattern indicative of his passion for small naked dolls with crazy colored hair and jewels in their belly buttons. The jewel he'd placed in his belly button cut him as he used his ab-roller from the comfort of his newly green-carpeted patio. He noticed in this month's latest hip-hop magazines that rappers were starting to dress like skiers. In fact some went as far as to include songs from ski movies on their latest albums. He tired of the black man stealing the "gangsta" culture from our young white resort town youth. In a letter he penned to Snoop Dogg he detailed a series of complaints he had against the rap community. He used strong language like: "bitches ain't shit" and "smack yo bitch ass" in his cleverly written account of Peter Pan crossing the Delaware to free the slaves.
"Shrek more popular than Jesus" read the headline atop his latest issue of The Daily Pagan. Gears started turning in his head. The mail was proving to be quite profound today. A little oil dripped out of his ear as the gears hadn't been properly maintained. An idea for the greatest money making movie of all time leapt into consciousness: "The Passion of the Christ 2: Shrek kills Jesus". Mike Myers could give his onions speech about layers as he teaches donkey just how hard to drive the nails into the cross. Our hero was on a roll, actually it was a hamburger bun that had somehow made it into the bathtub with him. The thigh-master squeaked as he shampooed his back pelt and prepared to open more mail.
"Find out how much your scars are worth in Asia!!" Our confused hero hadn't yet heard of the scar trade. "Wealthy Asians will pay high-dollar for human scars to boil in their tea." Our hero calmly set the mail on the counter, picked up his razor and headed for the lightning shaped scar on his forehead.
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