DEFINING ELIGIBLE: Cosmo nominates Keystone lifty "most eligible bachelor"
Word came west recently from the folks at Keystone that they had a story for us. Here are the words straight from the press release:
Keystone's own Chris Sorensen (he's a 23-year-old lift operations supervisor), who originally hails from Tulsa, Oklahoma, was selected as one of Cosmo Magazine's most eligible bachelors in the entire U.S. of A. His turn on? "It sounds tame, but a nice smile is sexy," he says.
We didn’t have time to ask if he meant to say “tame” or “lame,” but it definitely gave our gray matter a kick start. Problem was, we didn't know which angle to take. So we let the angle be the angle. Here's the e-mail thread that ran between editors:
Hansen, Matt:
Check out this press release.
Maybe we could spin it as showing what life is really like for a lift op, or what a date would be like with a liftie. Pizza, beer, a can of Cope.
Taylor, Derek:
I saw that yesterday, and wondered what Cosmo's definition of "eligible" was. Is it that he's available to date anything and everything that comes along? "He's more than eligible—he's desperate!"
Weaver, Tess:
Want to do our own “most eligible bachelor” poll?
Taylor, Derek:
Hmmm, I'm thinking more along the lines of, since when did lifties become so attractive to the Cosmo set? Last I checked, they were somewhere between dishwasher and ski instructor, near the bottom of the ski-town datability chart. It made a little sense when Micah Black was Mr. Wyoming on the Cosmo list—he's a ski star, and we're talking about Wyoming—a bunch of cowboys and Dick Cheney. But this guy's a liftie (sorry, "lift operations manager") an hour from Denver. We're talking Carmelo Anthony, Jake Plummer, Jeremy Bloom...
Bie, Tom:
Or maybe a Top Ten explanation of what the Cosmo’s Most Eligible Award REALLY Means:
1.Most likely to REMAIN eligible until he returns to Tulsa.
2. Most eligible for unemployment in the off-season.
3. Most obvious career path leading to permanent eligibleness.
4. Most eligible to NOT be skiing when all his friends are.
Taylor, Derek:
5. Most eligible to get first chair AND last tracks.
6. Most eligible to "lose his turn."
Hansen, Matt:
7. Most eligible to be hung-over for, say, an entire season.
8. Most eligible to be able to recognize, from head to toe, the identifiable characteristics of a gaper.
9. Most eligible to be really grouchy at the end of March.
Taylor, Derek:
C'mon Weav, let's see the zinger for number 10...
Weaver, Tess:
10. Most eligible to fail a pee test.
Hansen, Matt:
Let's not forget who reads Cosmo. Desperate women from big cities who no doubt have this romantic notion of what goes on behind the doors of a ski town pad. They all compare their lives to Sex and the City, but what they really want is Sex In the Mountains. I have this friend who drives a cab in a certain Western ski town. Dirt bag all the way, and he gets more lovin’ from out-of-town older ladies than he does with local girls his own age.
Taylor, Derek:
11. Most eligible victim of a cougar attack.